The One Where Percy Can't Cry
by WindowChild
Summary: Co-authored with ShadowPalace. You're all invited to a movie night at the Jackson house! There will be popcorn, classic films, and Annabeth's insane quest to get her boyfriend to cry at one of them. Percabeth, Gruniper, and Nico!


A/N: Hi! This is co-authored with ShadowPalace (Savannah). We were going to put it on our co-account, but then we realized that no one looks at that thing. The two of us are a bit hyper and are rolling on the floor laughing, so if we seem a bit over excited, we are : ). Also, sexual content warning. Just tell us if you think we should up the rating. So worry not, our lovely friends (citiziens…. Haha. Sorry, Music Man reference)!

Disclaimer (because we feel like it!): WE DO NOT OWN the following works of cinematic production (yay for the big words): Lion King, Casino Royale, Romeo and Juliet, Forrest Gump, Titanic or Mamma Mia. Thank you very much for your legal cooperation. Oh yeah, and also don't own PJO. And we also know we didn't need a disclaimer, but we needed the momentary insanity to wear off. Let's hope it has?

"What are they doing?" Percy asked, whispering in Nico's ears. He put a handful of buttery popcorn in his mouth, and pointed a finger at Juniper and Grover.

The couple was cuddling – much the way Annabeth and Percy were – only they were both sobbing, fat tears rolling steadily down their cheeks.

Nico shrugged, shooting an equally confused look at nymph and the satyr. Annabeth sighed, curling comfortably against Percy. She was unaware of the conversation.

"Hey guys…" Percy said, as Simba ran in terror from his uncle Scar. "Are um… you okay?"

Juniper sniffled, her fists clenching at Grover's fur. "Yeah, it's just so sad, "she wailed. "The poor baby lion!" With that, she hid her face in her boyfriend's shirt, and he reciprocated in equal hysterics.

"Okay, then," Percy replied, softly. "More popcorn for me." Nico shrugged, pulling the bowl from Percy's lap to his own, and Annabeth smirked.

"This is getting boring," Percy muttered, so only Annabeth and Nico could hear. "I mean, how many times is that stupid lion going to sing?"

Annabeth shrugged, a frown appearing on her lips. "It's a sweet movie. Besides, I haven't seen it since I was really little."

"Fine," Percy muttered. He knew that would be the end of the conversation, since his girlfriend's childhood was off limits for debate.

He redirected his attention to his best friend, who was continuing to cry along with the rhythm of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"

"It's such a beautiful song," Grover mumbled, wiping his eyes with Juniper's sleeve.

"I knew!" she wept, "This is too much for me."

Again, Percy looked over in concern. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh, we're fine," Grover replied, happily linking his arms across Juniper's waist. "We like to cry at movies."

"You do?" Percy asked, dumbfounded.

"Sure," Juniper blubbered, grabbing at a tissue box on the windowsill. "It's fun. It brings us closer together."

"If you say so," Percy said. Still, he looked at Annabeth's dry eyes and calm expression, and felt unequivocally grateful.

Nico just shook his head, oddly relieved to be exempt from all the tangled webs of romance. He'd have his day, Percy always said, but Nico wasn't so sure that the dating thing was for him.

When the credits rolled, Percy stretched out his arms and grinned. "Well, that was… _interesting._ How about something a bit more exciting now?" He raised his eyebrows twice, and then sprang up. Annabeth dodged his arm just in time, so as not to get whacked.

"Paul just went and added to his movie collection last week," Percy said." He decided to break his classics genre, and he got Casino Royale." Percy thrust the DVD forward, allowing Daniel Craig and the Aston Martin to shine in all of their glory.

Nico's eyes widened in evident lust. "Wow… cool car."

Percy nodded, beaming so fluorescently that Annabeth nearly shut her eyes to shield herself.

"Well, I can tell this is a guy thing. Juniper, do you want to come and finish off the avocado roll with me?"

"Okay," Juniper replied, extremely cheerfully for someone who had been bawling for two hours straight. She wiped at her red eyes, rubbing her tummy with the other hand. "Yum! Sushi!"

"Wait, can I come?" Grover asked, his cheeks only a little pink in embarrassment. "I'm not really such a fan of spy movies. Or cars."

"Sure, you can come, "Annabeth said, scooping up the finished bowl of popcorn.

"Why don't you wait with them, sweetie?" Juniper said, batting her eyelashes. "That way Annabeth and I can have some girl talk."

"Girl talk?" Annabeth mouthed at Percy.

"Sweetie?" Percy mouthed back.

Nico shook his shaggy hair, throwing up his hands in surrender.

"Okay honey bunch, I'll call you when it's over." They hugged, and Juniper drew away with a blissful little sigh.

"Bye!" She waved, despite the fact that they would only be a wall apart.

"So, things are going well with you guys, aren't they?" Annabeth asked, once they were safely in the kitchen.

"Yeah," Juniper replied, tilting her head back with a dainty smile. "They are."

Annabeth smiled, scrubbing out the popcorn bowl with Percy's kitchen sponge. She'd been to his apartment so often, she knew her way around the cabinets by heart.

"I'm sorry that we got so emotional," Juniper said. "We just get really affected by those things, you know? Grover's really sensitive. It's something I've always loved about him."

"Hmm," Annabeth said. "Percy really isn't sensitive about much." Then, thinking about the time he'd accidentally-on-purpose called a driver a son of Kronos, "Not about anything, really."

"That's too bad," Juniper said, "The guys who cry at sappy movies are the ones who make the best fathers. You two are thinking about marriage and babies, aren't you?" Juniper glanced at the shimmering ring on her own finger, and then turned back to Annabeth.

Ignoring the last part, Annabeth smiled. "You know, you're right. I can't remember the last time I saw Percy cry. If ever. We should do something about that." She grinned evilly, tossing a new bag of popcorn into the microwave. "I have an idea."

The girls settled themselves at the Jackson banquet, formulating their genius plan.

It was about twenty minutes later that Grover burst into the room, looking only slightly panicked.

"Oh. Hi." He leaned down to kiss Juniper.

"How's the movie?" Annabeth asked.

His skin darkened considerably, turning to a mixture of scarlet and primrose. "It's great!" he said, his voice reaching an unprecedented soprano. "Nico's just um, a little hormonal. He's drooling over all of the girls."

"Uh oh," Annabeth said. "Better go check that Percy's eyes are only on the cars. Hey Juniper, want to tell Grover our plan?"

"Sure," she replied, shimmying with grace onto her boyfriend's lap. "With pleasure." She grinned enormously, and Annabeth left the room.

"Hey, how is it?" she said, plopping beside Percy on the couch. "Where'd Nico go?"

"Oh uh, the bathroom, I think. How's the sushi?"

"Finished," Annabeth replied. "By someone other than us." She raised her eyebrows.

"Sorry," Percy muttered. "I was hungry. And Nico had taken all of the sesame chicken."

"Never mind," Annabeth said, kissing Percy's cheek. "So, how are the women?"

"Which women?" Percy asked, his eyes going to Eva Green's chest even as he did so.

Annabeth gave Percy a hearty smack and another kiss. "That's okay. She's out your league, anyway."

"Well, at least I have you!" Percy shouted, as she strolled back through the swinging door. He laughed. "Hey Nico, are you okay in there?" There was no answer, and Percy merely shook his head.

"Guys, it's almost over," he shouted. "You can come back in."

The three came in at once, standing side by side in the doorway. All of them beheld giddy grins, behind which Percy was afraid to wonder. "Hi....?" he asked, as none of them moved back to the couch. "Are you guys alright?"

No one moved, and then Annabeth said. "Oh, we will be soon." She gave an almost frightening laugh, waving at Nico as he came back in. "Great, you're here!" she shouted to the younger boy. "We can start!"

"Start what?" Nico asked, rubbing his tired eyes. "It's like midnight or something…"

"Oh," Annabeth said. And then, with an uncharacteristic jolt of enthusiasm, "Well, none of you have early mornings, do you?"

"Just planning to sleep until four," Nico said. "I guess I can move it to five if this takes a while."

"PM or AM?" Percy asked, raising an eyebrow. With Nico, one could never be sure.

"Actually, it depends," Nico said. He settled himself on the couch, staring back at the other three. "What's this about?"

"Don't ask me," Percy said. "They've just been smiling, and acting like they're ready to jump me or something."

"Too many spy movies," Nico muttered, shaking his head.

"Percy," Annabeth said, speaking as if she were the voice on an infomercial. "When was the last time you cried?"

"Um…." Percy said. "Not sure?" He laughed nervously, running a hand over his unkempt hair.

"Thought so," Annabeth said, turning to Juniper and Grover. "Well Percy, we're going to change that."

"Huh?" Percy replied, exasperated.

"You said that Paul has pretty much every movie, right?" Annabeth asked. She was advancing slowly, hands going up to the movie shelf. Everything was prepared.

"Sure?" Percy answered. "I mean, not every movie, but most of the classics… Hey, what are you doing?"

"So," Annabeth announced, her desired movies located and seized. "We are going to watch three of the saddest movies known to man. Romeo and Juliet, Forrest Gump, and Titanic."

Juniper sighed, sprawling all the way across the couch. Nico timidly scooted away. "Oh sweetie, can you get the tissues from the bathroom? We'll probably need them." She looked positively delighted by this.

Grover gave her the thumbs up sign. "Sure thing!" And he ran to the bathroom.

"What?" Percy asked, even though he recognized that his side had never had a fighting chance. "This is ridiculous."

"Not really," Annabeth said. "it's our turn to pick anyway."

"Oi," Percy muttered, using the word he'd picked up from Paul's city friends. "Why me?"

Annabeth grinned, her answer fully formulated. That first year of freshman debate had aided her arguing abilities. She bent down, whispering something in Nico's ear.

"Because," Nico said, grinning and turning to Annabeth. "I'm a son of Hades, so I know these things. You have no soul."

"That's ridiculous," Percy repeated, stomping against the floor. Hey, if he was going to be tortured this way, he might as well cause a ruckus for the cranky ladies below.

"Sit down," Annabeth instructed, pointing to the brown leather sofa. "Sit." When he didn't do so, she poked his chest until he obeyed.

"Great," she said, "I'll go get the second batch of popcorn. You make sure you're ready for an exciting night."

"I so wish she meant sex," Percy muttered, shaking his head. "Anyway, what do you think of all this, Nico?"

"I don't know," Nico replied. "My dad loves Titanic. He'd been planning that event with your dad for years. The romance makes him kind of sad, though, cause it reminds him of my mom and um, what happened to her. All in all, it pretty much reminds him of his life."

"Huh," Percy said, nodding along. There was really nothing you could say to that.

Grover and Annabeth both returned shortly, carrying tissues and popcorn respectively. Annabeth inserted the disc into the DVD and grabbed the remote from the coffee table.

Their ingenious 'scheme' was set in play, so to speak. Annabeth pressed the play button.

"Romeo and Juliet" and "Forrest Gump" passed without much trauma. Only Juniper and Grover cried, as everyone had expected, and Percy's slacked jaw and glazed eyes spoke wonders for his interest level.

"Are you having fun?" Annabeth asked, gleefully.

"No really…" Percy replied.

"Feeling teary?"

"No. I do like the chocolates quote, though. Now I know what all those people are talking about! Hey wait, you're aren't crying. Are _you _feeling teary?"

"We haven't seen titanic yet," Annabeth said, dully. She yanked at his red sweatshirt, "How attached are to this? Will a little bit of moisture do any damage?"

"...No…?" Percy replied, uncertainly. He wrapped his arms around his chest protectively, fully aware of Annabeth's capacity to soak it completely, "I would offer you some tissues, but I'm pretty sure we ran out a while ago." They glanced over at their two friends, who had long since passed into the realm o incoherence. Meanwhile, Nico had successfully constructed a fort of couch cushions, so as to shield himself from unwieldy emotions.

"It's time for Titanic," Annabeth announced, sleepily. They'd been up for nearly twenty-four hours straight.

"Do we have to?" Percy asked. His own exhaustion was beginning to take its toll, and the movies were starting to look all too similar.

Annabeth shrugged. "If we made it this far," she said.

Titanic begun well enough. Nico, who seemed oddly awake, gave a monotonous narrative as to the history behind it. Percy found himself with a dozen new questions to ask his father. It woke him up, at least, and he cringed as Juniper's sobbing harmonized with Celine Dion's beautiful theme song.

They were silent after that, except for the increasing number of tears hitting the beige carpet. As forewarned, Annabeth begun to cry just as uncontrollably as the others. Percy sighed, silently bemoaning the sodden fabric. He didn't care really, though. He loved Annabeth, and supposed that perhaps it was a nice mix to have a girlfriend who cried at _some_ movies. It was only at the chorus of the song, that he noticed Nico's eyes growing damp.

"Nico?" Percy asked, more surprised by his tears than Annabeth's, even. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Nico murmured gulping and ducking under his fort. "Just, my dad and my mom…"

"Aw," Percy said, somewhat half-heartedly. He gave Nico a pat on his back, and what he hoped was an encouraging smile.

"Sorry," Nico muttered, wiping his eyes.

"Don't be," Juniper wailed, from her slightly fetal position. "It only means you're going to be a fantastic father." She gave Nico a rather soggy hug, crying into his "Nirvana" t-shirt the whole time.

"Um," Nico said. "I'm going to go into the kitchen, and um, get… water?" Nico said. He quickly untangled himself, his tears driven away in fright.

When the movie finally (_finally_, in Percy's perspective) drew to a close, Annabeth sighed in defeat.

"Okay, Percy," she said, wiping the sweatshirt that she had lovingly waterlogged. "Since you didn't crack, for some inhumane reason, and since you were so nice to me," for this, she kissed him on the cheek, "you can pick the final movie."

"Another movie?" Nico shouted from the kitchen, evidently listening to every word.

"Just one more," Annabeth shouted back. "It's six. We might as well make it an even twenty four hours."

"Not for me!" he shouted back.

He was ignored after this, and Annabeth turned back to Percy. "Go ahead. Pick a movie from Paul's collection."

"Great!" Percy said, catching his second wind at full speed. "I would be happy too." Nobody bothered to remind anyone that he had already chosen Casino Royale.

"How about this?" He held up the nearest case in reach. It was blue, with a bunch of despicably happy looking people on the cover. "Oh hey," Percy said, reading the synopsis. "This takes place in Greece. And I think I've heard of it."

"Mamma Mia?" Annabeth asked. "That sounds Italian. Are you sure you're reading the back right?"

"Yeah," Percy said. "Greece! See?" He held it up, in much the way he'd held up James Bond and the Aston Martin.

"Weird," Annabeth said. "Do you think Paul bought it on purpose?"

"Maybe," Percy said. "Why don't see we see?"

He placed the CD into its slot, his anticipation mounting as the movie loaded. Nico came back in then, full composed and with an arm full of potato chips.

"Ooh can I have some?" Juniper asked, as the options menu appeared on the screen.

"Sure," Nico said, too embarrassed to look at her. He handed over the bag with reluctance.

"Are you ready?" Percy asked, grabbing the remote as if it were as powerful as Riptide. "I think this will be fun, guys!" He got a few muttered responses, and then clicked the play button.

"Huh, the music's catchy," he said, after a few minutes had gone by.

The others nodded, only slightly disconcerted by the peppy beats and poppy lyrics. Pop culture usually flew right by demigods, and they were sad to have missed so much of it.

It _was_ fun though, and everyone woke up a bit. Only towards the end did it grow quieter, as the bubbly storyline hit a more melancholy tone.

It was in the middle of "Slipping Through my Fingers" – a particularly emotional number between Donna and Sophie, that they heard yet another sob from the couch. Nico and Annabeth immediately glanced towards Juniper, but she was calmly asleep in Grover's arms.

"Percy?" Annabeth exclaimed, aghast, feeling a teardrop hit her hand.

He had put his hands over his eyes, but it was fairly obvious that he had broken down at last. And to the musical comedy that they had played to wake themselves up?

"I can relate to her," Percy said, so quietly that only Annabeth could hear. "She doesn't know who her dad is, and it's scary not knowing. I've been there. Plus, Donna seems a lot like my mom." Words failed him at this point, and so did Annabeth's steely plans to seek sensitivity. Her boyfriend did have a heart, thank the gods, it was just oddly reached.

"Okay," she said sweetly, kissing away every tear. "Time for you to go to sleep, Seaweed Brain."

"They probably have seaweed too," Percy bawled, deliriousness mixing with his warped sorrow. "They live by the water and stuff…"

"Yeah, I'm sure they do," Annabeth soothed. She stroked his onyx tangles of hair, and gently took his hand. "Come on, Percy… Let's go into the bedroom."

"Okay, Annabeth," Percy said, letting her half carry him across the carpet. "Goodnight Nico… Goodnight Grover and Juniper… Goodnight Mamma Mia…" Annabeth shook her head, wondering – as he began to sob about being an only child – if she had opened the floodgates to a more "sensitive" and "emotionally mature" Percy. Oh well.

A/N: Thanks for reading! This was inspired by the Friends episode "The One Where Chandler Can't Cry." We hope you like it! Reviews will be replied to with love and rice pudding!


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